Posts Tagged ‘Soul’

Two Images of the Soul

August 13, 2012

Threads of root light reaching down through the layers to find us in our hearts.

Surrounding, permeating, creating, womb like and embodied.

Both of these images I see. Neither of these images is the breath, animate, conscious, spiritual spark of life force that moves within us and between all things and belongs ultimately to know one. The soul is perpetual, written and writing by the scroll work of our lives, outside of time. Spirit moves, grows, changes. They are of a part, partaking in each other, but this is the limit of my sight. There is a mystery in their unity and separation that I have not penetrated in waking life.

Scenario Lesson: You don’t allow people you love to be hurt, even when they hurt you

August 11, 2012

I awoke from a dream just a little while ago and I want to record it.

My dreams have become more significant over the last couple of years. Only intermittently though. They are teaching dreams.

In this one I had been part of an unfolding dream logic narrative, the bulk of which I cannot hold onto. It culminated in my capture by a group of beings similar to myself who wished me harm. A woman I cared for deeply, but only know in the dream had betrayed me to them. I could tell that she had been hurt into doing this since long before I had ever known her and that this group of beings valued her even less than they valued each other.

The central figure of this group of beings began trying to convince me to me to let them torture her to death. He said that if I just said that they could kill her then things would be so much easier for me. Part of the scenario was that death was different in this reality. Not so much physical as experiential. she would experience being killed many times, but could always be brought back again.

In the dream she was a strong, tall woman, wearing light armor of some kind. She had Auburn hair cut even neck length around her head and arranged so it fell to the sides of her face like an arch. She had a milky, smooth stone over her sixth chakra, or third eye.

My captor looked like a wizened and older version of a character named Thanos from the marvel comic book universe. Looking closely he appeared to be made of thick gray strands. His image would shift back forth between being a humanoid figure and small tiki-like doll in my hand.

In this kind of teaching dream it is very difficult to think. If you could think normally you could fall back on your logical rigidity and morality of inertia. These two qualities are not what is being tested and developed. The words that come to mind from my guides are “we are interested in the mutability of the psychic greenwood.” the psychic greenwood, is the experience that you carry with you without, or beyond memory. It is the set of experiences that fundamentally change who you are as much as changing your genetic code would. This is how I have been given to understand that souls who travel between lives and worlds of lost memory still learn and grow. In the dream state you have to build up a level of pre-conscious understanding of the situations that you encounter to react to them with anything more than primal biological or psycho-social responses. In this case I know I have been run through this scenario many, many times. I remember looking at my captor and the one I loved who betrayed me. In looking closely and paying attention I could feel something through the haze of my thoughts. I could feel that there was a key, an answer to this situation that belied the choices that my captor had given me. This is another through line of my training, both waking an dreaming. There are keys to every scenario and you can find them by relaxing your grip on their presentation. If you hold onto how a scenario has been presented to you, instead of what you truly see and feel, then you are trapped by the limitations that have been placed on reality by the description and presentation. If you want to free yourself you must let go and make a trans-rational leap from reacting to the scenario as it seems, to finding, embellishing and projecting the reality of knowing that already exists within you.

I looked at my love who betrayed me, then at my captor. I felt the knowing in my chest. I felt that I had been here before and that, even though she had betrayed me, and I was made tired, wanting nothing more than to be left to sleep, not be tortured by these beings, I knew that would bring me nothing, an annihilation of self. I felt the path in my chest, I felt that I had been here before, I felt the way out and I reached for it. I looked into my captor’s face, wizened and gnarled, I let go and I saw. “You have never loved anyone.” I said. “You are incapable of love. Aren’t you?” The way that I seemed to say the words held within it the knowing that having seen and felt the truth within myself, which includes my love for the one who betrayed me, I, and no being that had ever felt what I felt, could let harm come to her in my place, no matter what she had been hurt into doing against me. My captors face began to unravel and twist and I could feel my bonds and the edges of the dream falling away. I shouted liked an excited child “I remembered the lesson. I remembered the lesson!” As if it had taken me ages to get this far. In waking reality I would have been quietly thankful that there would be death and pain for no one that day, but that is a choice that I make based on my capacity to make it, a capacity which is withdrawn or hobbled in the dream state. My soul truth was and is that I am so excited and proud to have completed that lesson and deep learned the key.

I have mixed feelings about that feeling of excitement. Stopping another from being tortured in your place isn’t a logical moral problem for me. It’s wrong to let other be hurt in your place, but my guides don’t care about what I know and can do when I have my mind and logic and faculties to help me hold my form. My guides care about the greenwood of the soul. They care about who I am in the living moment, beyond polemics of morality. If I am someone who wants in my heart to let others be hurt so I can rest, then I cannot be a healer. If I am someone who reaches beyond the presentations of evil and takes hold of life without thought, then I can be a healer. This isn’t a black and white distinction. Children often do terrible things because they have not grown enough to know what the results of their actions would be. We forgive children this because we know that they will grow and become something else. So will each of us, though we must be held to a higher standard.

This is one scenario among endless and limitless.

Arsen Darnay’s Notes on Rebirth

May 10, 2012

I find Arsen beautiful because he won’t let go. He carries that mentation, that examination of the past, present and future, with him until he has worn it down to its barest lucidity. He doesn’t release himself to walk in the half-formed worlds of resonance and shadow that I do. That’s also a quality that frustrates me sometimes, but as he writes there is more lucidity and less frustration.

His most recent post that deeply caught my eye is More Notes on Rebirth.

The part of most interest to me is this:

“Origen ultimately derives this cycling from the operations of free will—which is at least a coherent sort of doctrine. It assumes that each of us, individually, caused our own fall rather than, as it were, getting our original sin by mere genetic inheritance. The alternative, that of being created in a fallen state, at birth, is, for me, incoherent. In the latter instance all we must try to explain is why we don’t remember the initial act that sent us to a realm where, every morning, we have to put on socks.

Just a handful of those who remember having lived one life before also remember the intermediate state between lives in another and always rather magical realm. And some very few among them also recall having been urged by one or several angels to come back to earth again. Why? Because, evidently, they needed to do so to develop further. Those are interesting cases. In most others, it just happens.

So what does all this suggest? Is the model developmental? If so, the engineering of such intricate machines as bodies would not have been done by the fallen creatures themselves but would be part of the divine plan (which, of course, is the orthodox teaching, but I find it hard to believe); this is a big subject; I will have to enlarge on it later. Something more complex is going on here. I suspect, however, that I’ll have to wait until my own border crossing before the structure that brings us here and receives us back over there—and what’s really behind it—becomes clearer. I’ll put this in that notebook I’ll take with me when I die.” – Arsen Darnay

It is a good thing to hear the way that you see the world, more or less, spoken in new or different words.

I have not finished my own commentary, but the first reaction from my own experiences that I want to articulate is this. Holding memories between radically different states of being is a triumphant act of intention, effort and transformation. As there are many shades of existence within physical reality there are many and more shades of existence outside of physical reality. The journey from the origin of our souls is so long, covers so many transformations and changes that to recover that knowledge is the work of a lifetime. I do think there is an origin for every soul, as there is for every individual and particular being, no matter how complex and extensive. I have glimpsed my own.

Right to Hallucinate

August 23, 2011

Jason Louv recently made a post to his blog that I found compelling.

Single best line:

6. The desertification of imagination is a problem just as real on its own plane as deforestation is on the physical one. The fragmentation and destabilization of concentration keeps human consciousness crippled. Though it may be deliberate, this is a mistake.

Go check it out.

The Freedom of Imagination Act.

“Alters” and Fractured Personalities

April 23, 2010

Because of Anya Briggs’ recent posts on Aaron McCollum (starting here) I checked out several interviews that he has done. Most of the material that he talks about is well outside my area of experience, to the point that there’s no real point in my commenting on it. The exception to this is a section in an interview he did for a radio program: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYNOOPMpH2o

Edit(16/10/2010): There are many others, such as Duncan O’Finiaon, who talk about being intentionally fractured into many alternate personalities. See my recent post “MKULTRA and The Presidential Hearings on Human Radiation Experiments” for another example.

In part 3 of the interview McCollum talks about multiple personalities, or “alters”, being artificially induced through emotional and physical trauma. Speaking from my own family history (thankfully long in the past) I can say that the phenomena he describes is real. When a human being is placed under extreme stress, to the point that their current personality is incapable of existing with its circumstances, a completely new and distinct personality can emerge. This is most commonly associated with cases where children are sexually abused, often by a parent or care taker. The new personality emerges while the abuse is taking place and submerges after the fact. The older personality is often left without conscious memory of what took place while it was submerged. Later in life the new personality may manifest under other circumstances.

The phenomena of “alters” has a much more common, but less obvious, cousin, fractured personalities. Essentially, in many traumatic events, a small component of a person’s being fractures from the whole because it cannot consciously exist with what happened. The fractured personality may shut down and go to sleep for many years. It may remain conscious, but in an altered state, unaware of the life of the primary personality. It may even remain conscious and involved with the life of the primary personality, but as a distinct being, only able to influence the course events indirectly by affecting the primary personality.

My mother and I have done a great deal of work related to reintegrating fractured personalities, or in some rare cases, freeing them from the original personality. Her ability to surrogate for other beings and allow them to communicate through her has made the reality of fractured personalities and so many other aspects of non-physical reality undeniable for me.

Fractured personalities are very similar to lost soul fragments and are created by similar conditions. They are largely the same phenomena, but occur on different levels of reality, the psychological/energy body level versus the soul level. There are slightly different techniques for dealing with each, but a treatment for one will often help with the other.

Another very similar variety of personality fragmentation derives from reincarnation and past life issues. If the personality that develops within an individual life diverges too greatly from the totality of its soul, that personality will not be able join with its soul after the death of its physical body. Any number of things may happen to the personality at that point, ranging from hibernation until it can be reintegrated, to wandering the Earth as a “spirit” or “ghost,” or even being trapped within the body of successive incarnations, but unable to fully manifest except through subtle influences. My mother and I have personally encountered all of these. An author who is even further out of the ordinary than Aaron McCollum, but whose experiences are very reminiscent of our own is Denise Le Fay. Between pages 178 and 183 of her book “A Lightworker’s Mission: The Journey Through Polarity Resolution,” she describes similar process to what we have experienced. You can read that section of her book as pages 18 to 23 of a PDF excerpt here.

Hall of Mirrors II

November 24, 2009

Something that I had meant to convey in my last post was that I have done terrible things in other lives, only some which I remember. I know this because whether I remember them or not I’ve had to address the karma and timeline issues that these incarnations have created. I won’t be focusing on or shying away from that kind of life in this post, but I wanted to make the point that I haven’t always been the hero, tragic or otherwise. As for why my other selves did these things, each case is particular and unique, but generally speaking, when you walk into darkness to change it you take a big risk of getting damaged, caught up in it and manipulated, sometimes for a long time.

One of the first lives I ever remembered came to me as a dream when I was a child. In the dream I was an even younger child and I wandered a great grassland under a clear moonlit night sky. Time lost all meaning and dawn never came. After such a long time I found a sodded hatch in the ground. It opened and I saw the first warm light of that life. It came from a lamp’s flame down in the earthen chamber below the hatch. The people who lived there took me in. They looked human and I realized that even though they looked different than they do now they were my family of my present life. Seeing them also allowed me to realize that I was different. I had the head of a buffalo and a human body. I lived with them for some timeless time, and I was happy because I was not alone. Still, something weighed on me, some responsibility that I had not yet understood. One day my family became very afraid and huddled in their little earthen home. I climbed the ladder and lifted the hatch out into the eternal night. A different night greeted me. The moon and stars faded, no blue velvet curtain of night. Just blackness, and a single piercing red star. There was a beam of red light, then nothing. As a child in my present life I bore the same weight that I felt the buffalo child carrying. It was a terrible weight that said “you are responsible for the world.” The buffalo child was there to heal that world in some way, but the red star cut that short. Being only a child he thought that the red star was what he was supposed to prevent, but he had no way to do that. It took me a long time to release that crushing weight and to realize that it was not meant for this world or this life.

I remember a life of darkness. I was bound by a negative intelligence, a malign force, though I thought that I was the one who controlled it. I remember dragging the girl into the centre of the torch lit chamber by her bound hands, into the circle we had made. I tied her to the peg in the floor. My spiritual brother of that life began to speak the words, half from the old books and half made up and we smiled madly. The king sat, uneasy, but we knew we had made him see this was the only way. I pulled the knife from the cord at my waist.

I remember an endless, predatory life. I was ageless and indestructible. I hunted the small screaming, mewling creatures of my barren valley. In another life I would have know them as human. Their stones and fists broke on my skin like rain. Only my own kind could hurt me and there was only one other left. We hunted each other as well because my kind knew no other way. Eventually the memories grow dim, faded. I don’t remember what happened.

I just remembered a life long, long ago, when I was very different. We lived at the forest edge of a great plain, me and my kind. Insectile beings, like wasps, with wings and bright yellow skeletons. We hunted small creatures in the woodlands with our talons and mandibles, but we were equally tied to the plains. Once every four or five years the females of our nest would fly out and find one or two massive buffalo like animals. They would chase the animals and subdue them with a chemical their bodies produced. When the animals were unconscious the females would lay their eggs inside them, like parasitoid wasps. The females would stay with them until they awakened and recovered enough to be safe from other predators, then they would leave them. After several years the growing young would begin to make a chemical that we could all smell. The whole nest would fly out at this this time to find the animals carrying our young. When we found them many of us would descend upon each of them and kill them in the sacred way that our ancestors had given to us. When they were dead we would free our young from their bodies. The young emerge as small predators, but have no mind like their parents until many years later. It was part of the ritual that the young had to find there own way back to the forest where they would hunt and live until their minds came to them and they could live in the nest. On their way many would be killed and eaten by other predators. This is part of the understanding between the spirit of our people and the spirit of the animals that bear our children.

Hall of Mirrors

November 23, 2009

“So many people have known what they were fighting for was right, and history has judged so few of them to be correct. So I do not judge my actions to be right. As it is the nature of certain birds to sing in a particular way, it is my nature to struggle with the use of force, because I think it is to be struggled with, but it is also my nature to free the ensnared and to restrain those who would block their way.” – Chris, a comment on Initiation

One of the reasons I said that is because I remember being so many of those people. I’ve avoided talking about what I remember of past lives because it’s easy to turn that into something it’s not. It’s easy to think how many times someone remembers living means something about their life now. It tends to change the way a person looks at the world, but how you live your life is the only thing that should matter, one life or a hundred. I’m only going to write about it now because I feel like writing it.

My guides have told me that my soul has incarnated 145 times. That’s just an estimate. How do you count a life where you died as a small child compared to a life of thousands of years? I don’t remember many of those lives. I’ve incarnated with my present energy body 16 times. Not everyone carries an energy body though multiple incarnations, but many do. I remember more of the last 16 than the others, but not much. Most of the memories float freely of context. Most aren’t memories at all, just sensations, body images, day dreams. What it would feel like to have an exoskeleton, claws, bear children. The next layer up are the lives where only the most powerful events come through. I’ve died of suffocation more times recently than I like to remember. Then come the lives that I actually have a sense of identity from.

My present energy body was generated as a response to a terrible experience of enslavement 17 lives ago. My physical from was cut off from my soul, its mind enslaved and was compelled to hurt many people as a soldier and a thug. After that life my soul reabsorbed the energy body that had been so damaged and evolved a new one designed to defy separation and control. The only rendering of my name I have in English is Sleeping Decadence Warrior. My first life as this energy body was a foundation of the qualities it was designed to embody. I was a vast being, like a whale that swam through an ocean of energy, boundless, free and unencumbered. The next life I remember was my third. This was my energy body’s first life where it awakened to our true nature as an eternal being. We were a human woman. My mother was present as another woman my own age. The culture felt Indian, but only superficially. I have forgotten why, but I was angry at her and eventually realized that my negative thoughts and emotions actually brought her harm through their energy. I was horrified that I had done that unknowingly and this began my journey toward awakening in that life. I don’t remember any lives clearly in order up until my 13th. This life did not go well. I was on a different, very troubled planet. My mother and I were together again, this time working as awakened souls with a mission as we have many times. I had been given a very important task. Somehow I was responsible for concealing my entire species from an insectile race that wished to exterminate us. I don’t think there were many of us left. I was a spiritual warrior responsible for the fate of species, but I was also a two foot tall, floating grey ball of tentacles and I was very pregnant with my asexual offspring. I was also very frightened. The insectiles were much bigger, predatory and had better technology. Eventually they broke into the complex we were hiding in. I saw the people I cared about killed before everything goes dark. I just remember not being able to breath after that. They cut off the oxygen supply and I was trapped somehow. I failed.

After this energy body’s 13th life I was very damaged, but because I had accepted that mission and because of the state of consciousness I had achieved, I was taken somewhere remarkable to recover. I used to call it the 12th dimension, but that’s a different story. Eventually I was pulled out of that place by something that wanted to use me, but it had miscalculated and didn’t have enough hold over me to control me. Even so, having been violently pulled out of a world of light where my attachments and heavy energies had meant nothing, and thrown back into this world while only partially healed, I incarnated poorly. I was blinded by the negative and heavy energies I had absorbed from my pain and failures and because of this I took on an impossible task. I was some species of whale on Earth. I was trying to do something with them. Get them to do something that would prevent their deaths. I couldn’t get them to understand though. I died alone, drifting down into the darkness. Pressure, suffocation.

This brings us to the 15th life of this energy body. I was a white male human on modern day Earth. I lived somewhere in the Southeastern US and I was normal, or I tried to be. I’d had it. I couldn’t deal with cosmic crisis anymore. In a way this one of my favorite lives because I’ve so rarely had one like it before. He was out of work a lot as a young man. I remember walking around a lot, not really looking for work. He did Private Eye work when he was in his thirties, or he just thought about it an inordinate amount. He enjoyed the work, but he savored the noir detective feel of it more than he liked to admit, which is probably why I remember. He was married once. Had a son. Got divorced. I remember being to see his ex-wife and son’s family when he was older. Putting on weight and drinking a little too much. I still take a lot from that life. It grounds me in being a modern human and it actually helps my work thinking like a detective. You learn that no one is telling the whole story, whether they’re physical or not. This life helped me recover, but it also left me with some limitations. He consciously chose to ignore the call he felt from other worlds and used a limited material and human world view to keep the rest of existence out. When I wrote “I was shell shocked. I felt stretched beyond the limits of my ego. My soul carried all this lightly, but psychologically speaking I couldn’t take the rapid change in perspective” in my post Flux, it was a remnant of this personality that was strained.

This brings us up to life 16 of this energy body. Me.

There are so many other memories from so many lives. I’m never going to write them all down, but at some point I will post a few more that are really important to me.

Liminality: Energy work as she is done and the unknown

November 7, 2009

Liminality: “The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy. One’s sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation. Liminality is a period of transition where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed – a situation which can lead to new perspectives.” – Wikipedia entry on liminality

I write with an authoritative voice because I deal in realms so greatly removed from the illusion of objectively verifiable fact that if I tried to insert the implied qualifiers, errors bars and standard deviations, they would blot out the message that I’m attempting to convey. I also write with authority because that is how the experiences are received, as declarative presences more than the implications of phenomena. How do you write when an experience begins with an uncomfortable sense of pressure or being watched and ends with the internal seeing and knowing of inter-dimensional trickster beings and the 4D timelines of entire alien races that must be healed. These experiences do not stand upon anything else. They exist in a spectrum from the physical to an infinite higher dimensional extrapolation. If you accept the spectrum you can interact with it fully, as you would physical reality. If you try to justify or prove it in terms of physical reality it pops like a soap bubble, except for the bare hint of what lies beyond, that pressure, that watched feeling, until you are ready to deal with each experience on its own terms. This is the gestalt of my experience and why I must write the way I do. With that said…

My mother and I work together frequently. We both work on our own, but often need to work together to solve complicated or difficult issues. This is a matter of our own health and wellbeing, as we will feel unwell, psychologically or physically if we cannot solve the problem or heal what needs healing. Along time ago we decided what topics to address in the pursuit of our own wellbeing, but now our guides show us the most important problems to address, which usually have nothing to do with our physical lives (If you’ve ever had a guardian angel moment realize that there was probably someone who had to go out and do that).

“Show us” is a euphemism for “poke us until we figure it out.” We used to be able to ask our guides direct yes/no questions, but recently we are being pushed to use other methods. This may be a kind of training. We always had my internal sight and my mother’s body reactions and intuition, but these are even more important now. Instead of receiving shudders and reactions from the Music, she will be put into surrogate communication with whatever intelligence, energy or being is involved in the problem that we need to address. She will feel what it feels and know its general intentions. Her voice and body will often change to represent it. She never looses control except for occasional representative body motions (fist for anger, arms frozen at sides for being trapped) or a couple of words from the intelligence. Most of them aren’t good with words or language. We can ask these intelligences questions as we would our guides and we are often able to compel them to tell us the truth. rarely a special sign must be invoked, which I’m usually given in visual form at the time. We will be kept in contact with an intelligence until we have completed the reason that we were put in contact, such as getting information from it, helping it escape slavery, healing it or undoing the damage that it has caused.

When something energetic needs to be done, our most common method is for me to ask “Music from Beyond the World, guide our energies in *blank* now.” I say “our” because the Music and I are working as one. Often I will be guided in the words to fill in the blank. My back will straighten as I speak and my voice will change. As I finish speaking, or even sometimes before, my head will jerk up and down with my mouth slightly open. A pattern of externally audible clicks will emanate and by breath will change to a series of short guided puffs. The soft tissue of my throat and Eustachian tubes will move in waves, altering my breath. Internally I can see and feel my energies being guided in ways much more subtle than what I would be consciously capable of on my own at this time. I learn from the Music every time I use this technique.

Most of the issues that I and my mother have addressed over the last year either directly involved the health and wellbeing of us and our family or transpire on such a global or cosmic scale that it is difficult for my rational mind to take seriously. Over the years we’ve had what amounts to a rogues gallery of recuring opponents in our work. We still deal with all of them occasionally, but the primary focus of our activities has shifted over time. Here is the short list and the pattern through time.

1. EEIs (Exogenous Energetic Intelligences): Very general term for simple negative entities. They are barely intelligent, usually non-living energy structures that interfere, parasitize or do the bidding of more powerful entities. Very annoying an deceptive if you don’t know how to look for them.

3. Negative Reptilians, Insectiles and Occasionally Greys: “Alien” beings of the Earth energetic system, but from different frequencies. Complicated and strange, so I won’t go into it.

2. Pan-Dimensional Negative Intelligences. Negative Intelligences for short. These are predatory forces that are essentially inherent in the fabric of many, many dimensions and energetic systems. They have different manifestations on each frequency or level of reality, but underneath it’s all the same up to the head office, so to speak. We deal with about eight of them on a regular basis. They are deeply intelligent and powerful, but in a very diffuse way. They play the long game, trying to bend anything and everything to their designs.

3. Council of Positive and Negative Intelligences: We always wondered why we ended up talking to the nasties. It makes you wonder if there’s something wrong with you. Eventually we seemed to figure out that the manifestations of the negative intelligences in the Earth system were part of a council of negative and positive intelligences. This council was created and governed by a set of rules designed to keep these intelligences from going to war and tearing everything apart.* It turned a potentially violent and destructive struggle for power into thousands of years of cloak and dagger with progressively higher stakes for Earth as human population and destructive technologies both increased. In this council the negative intelligences are given the job of reining in anyone that threatens the status quo. This is their job primarily because they are a lot better at messing with people than the positives, however, it is the whole council that supports this kind of action. Which brings us to the question “why aren’t my mother and I protected by the positives?” The answer seems to be that we viewed their hierarchy as abominable and came here for the explicit purpose of changing the very nature of reality as to most effectively and efficiently end the cycle of suffering, in transcendence of any other edict or authority.

For the last month every time my mother and I would work we would be dealing with the council, either because we needed to deal with something that they had done or just because they were trying to block our communications. Then, about three days ago she calls me up and says that she’s been told that our node (collective of souls that we incarnated with) was responsible for creating the council. That we did it because at the time we had been so interfered with by various intelligences that we would do anything to limit there ability to damage our lives. Of course this sounded absurd, but I know we intentionally became part of many problems when we incarnated so that we would have the right to heal them. I considered that this was somehow an expression of taking on the formation of the council so that we could deal with that. We were told that it wasn’t something that we had taken on. We were actually responsible. This I really couldn’t accept, but I’m very used to being put into situations I don’t necessarily understand or agree with. In this case it didn’t feel like a deception, just something that we had to work with even if I couldn’t imagine how it could be true. So we went through the long process of going back through time and helping our selves that created the council to find a better way. And it was done. No more council. We haven’t heard from them since. After that I felt very not good. Yet another thing had happened, completely outside normal reality, that I was deeply aware I might never understand and that had implications for my own being and responsibilities that I was equally sure I might never understand. Aside from rationally understanding the absurdity of it, my innerself was incapable of accepting that I was somehow responsible for a council of intelligences that has influenced everyone on Earth for Thousands of years, and that in an energetic sense at least, now there never was a council because of something I choose to do now. It was too much. I went skateboarding. Didn’t think about anything. Just looked up at the sky while I glided along. I’m better now, but I still have no understanding how it could be true.

What does all this mean? I have no idea. Will there be any global changes from what we do? Nothing that could be traced back to us or anyone else. The Music says otherwise, but the history of mystics making predictions is such that I’m not going to hold my breath. What I do know is that we did the work that we saw needed to be done and I know my life is going to be different. For example, now I get to deal with a corporation of inter-dimensional beings trying to kill me for some reason. Don’t worry, they aren’t any good at it.

This is my life. I don’t believe any of it, even the physical, but I live it every day and I see it every time I work with someone. See straight through them. Energybody. Soul. Straight back to the beginning. To the way and the why they came here.

*Keep in mind negative and positive are not synonyms for good and evil. Negatives want to foster predatory systems because they need to feed off others because they have chosen to manifest as separate from the unity of all being, or god or the great mystery, or consciousness. Positives want to foster non-predatory systems because they are in principle connected to the unity of all being, or god, or the great mystery, or consciousness. Note: This is a woefully simplistic terminology and that this definition doesn’t say anything about who’s a lying bastard in this scenario.

Tiger and Me

September 18, 2009

Late fall of last year I was pacing around my house. This is a common activity for me when I am energetically shifting or out of balance, or just addressing an inward issue. I was trying to heal wounds in my energy body that were allowing small negative entities to bother me. After working through several different approaches without success, I was very much feeling like I needed help. This is also common. What isn’t common is that I realized an unusual being was observing me. It was unusual in that it wasn’t trying to hide its presence and it was an actual being with consciousness and a high level of complexity. It had an orange, third chakra energy and the body form that it retained from whatever incarnate existence it knew was quadrupedal and about one third my size. This being conveyed to me that it wanted to access my energy systems. I’m very careful about who I allow into my being. I examined its energy and intentions and asked by guides at the time if I should allow it into my being. Everything came back positive and I had a good feeling toward this being. A little tentatively I spoke and gave it access to my energy systems. I saw and felt it enter through my fourth chakra and begin to move around inside my bodies. I had the impression that it was chasing down small dark entities and chewing them up. Its presence also felt good, like it was supporting and protecting my wounds as they healed. As it worked I talked to this being and asked it questions. I asked if it, actually he, had a name. I think because of his orange energy the word tiger came into my mind and he liked it and said I should use that.

Tiger stayed with me for about a day. If I recall correctly I went to sleep with him there and when I woke up he was gone. After that he would show up every couple of days or I would call for help and he’d come, which ever came first. After about a week it came up with my mother that I was being visited. It was only then that it came out. I asked “Is Tiger actually Radar?” Her reaction was a yes. Radar was my dog who had died a month before this began. My mother and I were both in a very odd state after that, or at least I was. We had worked with excarnate souls and those who had just died, but we’d never had an experience where the soul actively interacted with incarnate beings over a prolonged period. More than that, I was just emotionally absorbing the experience of having an on going relationship with the spirit of my dog, one that I hadn’t known about till that moment. It was such a combination of joy and sadness. Every experience I’d had with Tiger took on new meaning and I felt myself shift at an emotional level. I had experienced that there was no real death, or end to the being by this point, but never so emotionally. I could feel my fear lifting away in a strange, even more terrifying way. I ask you if you would release your fear of loosing your loved ones for the knowledge that not even death will separate you. The fear makes you feel closer and safer when you have. If you let it go you have no idea what might happen.

My relationship with Tiger continued in a similar way for several months after this. We moved past just working and protecting me. Around this time I was called several times by my guides to journey for a specific purposes and Tiger became a part of this. Being called to journey for a purpose outside myself isn’t unusual, but the clarity of the requests and guided nature of the “missions” in this period was very unusual. The most memorable of these events began on an afternoon just after I woke up from a nap. I was strangely well rested and felt amazingly clear. I became aware that Tiger was entering my space and wanted my attention. I focused on him and he conveyed that we were going to be doing something together. Through the infinite openness of higher dimensional space he lead me to a lighted pillar with a doorway into its centre. We were going to be traveling a very long way in physical terms and this energy system appearing as pillar of light would allow us to do this safely. I balked at the idea of physical distance being dangerous or an impediment, but he made it clear that it was a necessary part of the journey. We entered the pillar of light and felt it flooding with energy. We stretched out across what felt like a tremendous distance, leaving any perception of the pillar behind. It was replaced by stars and deep space. In the middle of our perception was a rocky asteroid. Over its surface, and through its interior, I could see veins, like fungal hyphae. Size was impossible to judge and from experience I know that my sensory experience was a representation that allowed me to complete my task, not a physical reality. Along with these sensations I could feel Tiger’s presence. We were perfectly aware of each other, but I couldn’t see him. I became aware that I was being asked by an outside force to do something in relation the fugal forms living on this asteroid. I was going to carry a message and an energy that was very needed. The sense of ancient presence and compassion from the force that was telling me this was palpable. It was intimately familiar with the burdens that it was now asking others to take on. I moved in closer to the asteroid, to find the one I was there to guide. Being in a higher dimension, I could see completely through the asteroid and the fungal mass. I could see that on a cellular level there were individuals completely enmeshed together, yet they were mentally and genetically distinct. I was drawn to the one I was here for. He was an inventor, if that term can be applied to a being so different. I could feel the energy of the ancient force washing through me and I reached out to this fungal being. The light connected to him and I could see it pouring in. It was the old vision, love is the highest and there is no death. “We love you very much, and we’re sorry that we have to ask you to do something so hard.” I was given an information packet for him, a rote of how to change the way their society functions at a biochemical level. The change would open their society, allow them to experience other worlds. I knew that he would probably be killed for this, for all the usual reasons. I transmitted the information to him and guided his energies in understanding it. I’m still sorry I had to ask him to do something so hard, though I know why it happens this way. Tiger and I pulled back from the asteroid. Space jumps backward, there’s a flash and Tiger and I are walking out of the pillar of light. I can still see stars through the far side.

Tiger is Radar’s energy body. After death, the energy body either begins the process of reincarnation or to reintegrate with the soul. Tiger did the later. Over the months I saw him merge with his soul. As this happened our relationship changed. I had changed so much from knowing him in this way. I wasn’t afraid of loosing him anymore and he had done what he could for me. He began to move on to soul based experiences outside physical reality. This is where he still is, exploring and creating in higher dimensions. I still feel him, and see him occasionally, but he’s in his own realm of experience now. Until we meet again for the first time.

Forces, Intelligences and Souls

June 8, 2009

“We all dance to the music of our true homes, and mine comes from there (open energetic reality).” – Chris, The Big Picture

When I talk about that music, I’m talking about a force, or energy. Complex and guiding, but not conscious or intelligent in the way that we usually mean that word.

Intelligences are just that, intelligent, usually self aware, but they do not have consiousnesnes in the way that I mean that word. They are information without consciousness, thus they are limited to the levels of reality from which their information is drawn. The human body without the soul is an intelligence.

Souls are conscious by definition. Usually when I speak about the soul I am actually speaking about a combination of two things, the local perturbation of the consciousness field that permeates all information, and the information structure that the local perturbation has manifested. Only the local perturbation of the consciousness field is actually the soul. The relationship is very much like that of the physical body and the energy body. The physical body dies while the energy body lives on in a more permanent fashion. So the informational manifestation of the soul may be destroyed, but the soul, the true consciousness, lives on in the most permanent fashion.