Posts Tagged ‘Reincarnation’

Scenario Lesson: You don’t allow people you love to be hurt, even when they hurt you

August 11, 2012

I awoke from a dream just a little while ago and I want to record it.

My dreams have become more significant over the last couple of years. Only intermittently though. They are teaching dreams.

In this one I had been part of an unfolding dream logic narrative, the bulk of which I cannot hold onto. It culminated in my capture by a group of beings similar to myself who wished me harm. A woman I cared for deeply, but only know in the dream had betrayed me to them. I could tell that she had been hurt into doing this since long before I had ever known her and that this group of beings valued her even less than they valued each other.

The central figure of this group of beings began trying to convince me to me to let them torture her to death. He said that if I just said that they could kill her then things would be so much easier for me. Part of the scenario was that death was different in this reality. Not so much physical as experiential. she would experience being killed many times, but could always be brought back again.

In the dream she was a strong, tall woman, wearing light armor of some kind. She had Auburn hair cut even neck length around her head and arranged so it fell to the sides of her face like an arch. She had a milky, smooth stone over her sixth chakra, or third eye.

My captor looked like a wizened and older version of a character named Thanos from the marvel comic book universe. Looking closely he appeared to be made of thick gray strands. His image would shift back forth between being a humanoid figure and small tiki-like doll in my hand.

In this kind of teaching dream it is very difficult to think. If you could think normally you could fall back on your logical rigidity and morality of inertia. These two qualities are not what is being tested and developed. The words that come to mind from my guides are “we are interested in the mutability of the psychic greenwood.” the psychic greenwood, is the experience that you carry with you without, or beyond memory. It is the set of experiences that fundamentally change who you are as much as changing your genetic code would. This is how I have been given to understand that souls who travel between lives and worlds of lost memory still learn and grow. In the dream state you have to build up a level of pre-conscious understanding of the situations that you encounter to react to them with anything more than primal biological or psycho-social responses. In this case I know I have been run through this scenario many, many times. I remember looking at my captor and the one I loved who betrayed me. In looking closely and paying attention I could feel something through the haze of my thoughts. I could feel that there was a key, an answer to this situation that belied the choices that my captor had given me. This is another through line of my training, both waking an dreaming. There are keys to every scenario and you can find them by relaxing your grip on their presentation. If you hold onto how a scenario has been presented to you, instead of what you truly see and feel, then you are trapped by the limitations that have been placed on reality by the description and presentation. If you want to free yourself you must let go and make a trans-rational leap from reacting to the scenario as it seems, to finding, embellishing and projecting the reality of knowing that already exists within you.

I looked at my love who betrayed me, then at my captor. I felt the knowing in my chest. I felt that I had been here before and that, even though she had betrayed me, and I was made tired, wanting nothing more than to be left to sleep, not be tortured by these beings, I knew that would bring me nothing, an annihilation of self. I felt the path in my chest, I felt that I had been here before, I felt the way out and I reached for it. I looked into my captor’s face, wizened and gnarled, I let go and I saw. “You have never loved anyone.” I said. “You are incapable of love. Aren’t you?” The way that I seemed to say the words held within it the knowing that having seen and felt the truth within myself, which includes my love for the one who betrayed me, I, and no being that had ever felt what I felt, could let harm come to her in my place, no matter what she had been hurt into doing against me. My captors face began to unravel and twist and I could feel my bonds and the edges of the dream falling away. I shouted liked an excited child “I remembered the lesson. I remembered the lesson!” As if it had taken me ages to get this far. In waking reality I would have been quietly thankful that there would be death and pain for no one that day, but that is a choice that I make based on my capacity to make it, a capacity which is withdrawn or hobbled in the dream state. My soul truth was and is that I am so excited and proud to have completed that lesson and deep learned the key.

I have mixed feelings about that feeling of excitement. Stopping another from being tortured in your place isn’t a logical moral problem for me. It’s wrong to let other be hurt in your place, but my guides don’t care about what I know and can do when I have my mind and logic and faculties to help me hold my form. My guides care about the greenwood of the soul. They care about who I am in the living moment, beyond polemics of morality. If I am someone who wants in my heart to let others be hurt so I can rest, then I cannot be a healer. If I am someone who reaches beyond the presentations of evil and takes hold of life without thought, then I can be a healer. This isn’t a black and white distinction. Children often do terrible things because they have not grown enough to know what the results of their actions would be. We forgive children this because we know that they will grow and become something else. So will each of us, though we must be held to a higher standard.

This is one scenario among endless and limitless.

Memories of Making the Earth

June 12, 2012

I’ve written about memories that I have from other incarnated lifetimes. I haven’t written very much about my memories from between incarnated lifetimes.

I have very explicit memories of being involved with some aspects of forming the Earth. I was one of millions of other beings involved in the process. Some beings, like Raven’s Eye who is the Bowl of the World were involved in much higher level activities, like weaving entirely new timelines to guide the formation of the whole Earth system. I and my working group were involved in much more specific and limited activities.

Explaining exactly what we were doing can be challenging. There is a relationship between consciousness and the form taken by physical reality that is very difficult to describe in the modern mental context. Every individual consciousness is like a nucleus, or porthole, or a light in the darkness, around which the material universe is tuned in. The physical world is not an illusion any more than a building that you choose to enter is an illusion, even though it may prevent you from seeing the larger world. The physical world has reality outside of the the observer, but that reality is not the physical world as we perceive it as human beings. It is only a “physical” world in that we are experiencing it that way.

What I and my working group built as excarnate beings were the threads of potential that could manifest through the progressive densities of materialized personal experience. We worked in higher dimensional levels of non-physical existence, altering potential fields, time-lines, threads of connection and other more complicated structures so that the physical world could be felt and experienced in the way that it now is, more or less. There are many areas and refinements to the process that we didn’t have anything to do with, mostly relating to human psychology and interaction.

Our area of specialty was material system stability and persistence. I remember with strange emotion how difficult it was to get certain aspects of the system tuned correctly. Having the necessary form and diffusion of water was very difficult for some reason. Water moderates environmental, thermal and biological reactions, but getting it to behave with the necessary characteristics was a great achievement. Insuring a stable magnetic field around the planet was tremendously important, but less challenging.

One of our other works was to assure the deep rigidity of biological life on Earth. Other groups were working genetic evolution, morphic stability and the fundamentals of biosystems on Earth. We were concerned with preventing the equivalent of ecological cancer, or the advent of homogenizing swarms, to use a science fictional term. We did this by encouraging extreme precision in cellular reproduction and more complex life function. This would discourage the kind of rampant mutation that would be necessary in order to co-op the entire diversity of other life systems. Our work was necessary because of the explicitly mathematical nature of material Earth life. In the energy systems I am more accustomed to inhabiting it would not have been necessary. In those systems a being of a relatively more developed nature and understanding simply can’t be limited, controlled or influenced by force. A being of a relatively less developed nature can be influenced, but only within the parameters of what they will allow for themselves, knowingly or unknowingly. There are essentially no restrictions on form in those realms because there is almost nothing you can do to another being against its will or inherent nature. On Earth, however, this is not the case. If there were not deep restrictions on physical form we would be inundated by controlling and converting agents, biological, chemical and mechanical, even electrical. The level of stability necessary for the development of the desired incarnate psycho-spiritual attributes would be impossible. Everything would be changing, warping and continuously tearing itself apart. All it would take is one amoral and extremely clever being to bend the world to his will.

I find Earth’s physical limitations on form very onerous. I feel within myself the capacity to change form, psycho-spiritually from my past existences between incarnations and genetically from the ancestry of my current incarnation. I use this inner knowing very much when I am working with clients. I energetically become what I need to be in order to help them. Most people loose themselves if they try to do that, but I am accustomed to being formless. It allows me to enter other people’s realities while retaining the necessary potency to bring change and healing. This also my life more difficult because when I am tired a tend to revert to diffuse and formless state. I usually call that “needing to be a cloud for a while” and it makes being with other human beings very difficult.

I have become accepting of my physical limitations as I have remembered more of why they exist. An example would be the reason I was chosen to be part of the working group on material systems stability for part of the Earth project. I was incarnated several times previously to a different system that had been overrun by invasive and self transforming biological agents. Calling it a war wouldn’t really do it justice. Life was at war with itself. I incarnated as a being that had been created by one of the technologically advanced species of this world. I was part of a new species designed by them to survive in these new conditions, to help them fight and survive and, ultimately, to continue their culture and the concept of individual conscious intelligence into the future should their race perish. I incarnated several times as one of these “future guards” so that I could experience the entire arc in their history. I fought when we were new and things were terrible. It looked like the end of the world.

Our form was generally akin to a spider made of pale bone. We had distinct heads more than a spider and our legs attached to an oblong central body with no abdomen. The number of legs was actually variable. My strongest memories are of having four legs, but I know others had more. We had been grown from aquatic creatures very much like a sea squirt, and this was the central conceit of our design. Nothing outside of the thorax was alive. The only living tissue in our bodies was safely protected behind many layers of thick bone. Our limbs were operated by the pumping of hydraulic fluid. A giant mass of muscle in the thorax, much like a heart pumped this fluid through out the body to create movement. Our senses were limited by our extensive shells, but we did have sight, extremely good hearing, or at least sense of vibration, and something that passed for smell. Sight was achieved through light pipes. Crystalline tubes that lead from the head back to the central nervous system in the thorax (our brains were a genetic bequeath from our creators, to carry on their way of being should they become extinct). Vibration sense was conducted by chambers inside the central body filled with delicate fibers in fluid. Smell is the most alien sense. It was achieved by combination of small patches of chemical sensitive chromatiphors on the shell with light pipes that would carry their changing colors into the central nervous system. Any kind of direct chemical or nervous contact for smell as in humans would have provided a direct route of access for our enemies. I could go on about our biology, but I have conveyed the central point that our very way of being was defined by denying access to invasive controlling agents.

I incarnated to this culture at least three or four times to experience the full arc of the part of their history in which they would actively face invasive self transforming biological agents. I was there from the beginning, when everything was terror and it looked like the end of the world, right to the end when indeed the world had been burned to the ground, but no pure strains of the enemy remained and we and the few other races that had survived were the only real monsters left in the world.

Because I carried that history I was able to give the product of its experience in the Earth process.

Arsen Darnay’s Notes on Rebirth

May 10, 2012

I find Arsen beautiful because he won’t let go. He carries that mentation, that examination of the past, present and future, with him until he has worn it down to its barest lucidity. He doesn’t release himself to walk in the half-formed worlds of resonance and shadow that I do. That’s also a quality that frustrates me sometimes, but as he writes there is more lucidity and less frustration.

His most recent post that deeply caught my eye is More Notes on Rebirth.

The part of most interest to me is this:

“Origen ultimately derives this cycling from the operations of free will—which is at least a coherent sort of doctrine. It assumes that each of us, individually, caused our own fall rather than, as it were, getting our original sin by mere genetic inheritance. The alternative, that of being created in a fallen state, at birth, is, for me, incoherent. In the latter instance all we must try to explain is why we don’t remember the initial act that sent us to a realm where, every morning, we have to put on socks.

Just a handful of those who remember having lived one life before also remember the intermediate state between lives in another and always rather magical realm. And some very few among them also recall having been urged by one or several angels to come back to earth again. Why? Because, evidently, they needed to do so to develop further. Those are interesting cases. In most others, it just happens.

So what does all this suggest? Is the model developmental? If so, the engineering of such intricate machines as bodies would not have been done by the fallen creatures themselves but would be part of the divine plan (which, of course, is the orthodox teaching, but I find it hard to believe); this is a big subject; I will have to enlarge on it later. Something more complex is going on here. I suspect, however, that I’ll have to wait until my own border crossing before the structure that brings us here and receives us back over there—and what’s really behind it—becomes clearer. I’ll put this in that notebook I’ll take with me when I die.” – Arsen Darnay

It is a good thing to hear the way that you see the world, more or less, spoken in new or different words.

I have not finished my own commentary, but the first reaction from my own experiences that I want to articulate is this. Holding memories between radically different states of being is a triumphant act of intention, effort and transformation. As there are many shades of existence within physical reality there are many and more shades of existence outside of physical reality. The journey from the origin of our souls is so long, covers so many transformations and changes that to recover that knowledge is the work of a lifetime. I do think there is an origin for every soul, as there is for every individual and particular being, no matter how complex and extensive. I have glimpsed my own.

“Deeper, deeper, somewhere in the deep there is a light*”

September 29, 2011

I think that the law of attraction is precisely the mystical equivalent of fundamentalist prosperity gospel. I think both of those things are cancers on genuinely transformative spiritualities.

Being depressed or having bad things happen to you doesn’t make you a bad person or less spiritual than anyone else. It’s a candy floss theology that has more to do with toys than wisdom or maturity. It will rot you out from the inside.

Everything my guides have ever taught me has been about transcending the image, the feeble shadow of reality that we carry within our minds. You are more than your mind. You are more than this time and place. Please do not become excessively engrossed because this is the momentary image before your eyes. Remember, listen, hold to what is felt and what cannot be silenced or ignored. Everything is waiting for you if you can loosen your grip just a little bit. End the cycle of insecurity that keeps you here in this one body, in this one time, in this one place. If you want to understand and transcend the conditions of your life I think you are going to be more enlightened by the lucid recollection of the conditions that brought you here than by trying to build a mansion on a foundation of sand and illusion.

* I stole that line from a Kate bush song.


April 3, 2011

I’m quite serious when I say that I think one of my parallel incarnations is living a life very reminicent of the submachine series of point and click adventure games:


July 7, 2010

“Then the bees of self pour from the hive-door,
ravenous to enter the sweetness of flowering nettles and thistle.

Next comes the ringing a stone or violin or empty bucket
gives off
the immeasurable’s continuous singing,
before it goes back into story and feeling.” by Jane Hirshfield

Via Thrown Down Flowers

Yeah, that’s actually pretty much how it’s supposed to work.

“Alters” and Fractured Personalities

April 23, 2010

Because of Anya Briggs’ recent posts on Aaron McCollum (starting here) I checked out several interviews that he has done. Most of the material that he talks about is well outside my area of experience, to the point that there’s no real point in my commenting on it. The exception to this is a section in an interview he did for a radio program:

Edit(16/10/2010): There are many others, such as Duncan O’Finiaon, who talk about being intentionally fractured into many alternate personalities. See my recent post “MKULTRA and The Presidential Hearings on Human Radiation Experiments” for another example.

In part 3 of the interview McCollum talks about multiple personalities, or “alters”, being artificially induced through emotional and physical trauma. Speaking from my own family history (thankfully long in the past) I can say that the phenomena he describes is real. When a human being is placed under extreme stress, to the point that their current personality is incapable of existing with its circumstances, a completely new and distinct personality can emerge. This is most commonly associated with cases where children are sexually abused, often by a parent or care taker. The new personality emerges while the abuse is taking place and submerges after the fact. The older personality is often left without conscious memory of what took place while it was submerged. Later in life the new personality may manifest under other circumstances.

The phenomena of “alters” has a much more common, but less obvious, cousin, fractured personalities. Essentially, in many traumatic events, a small component of a person’s being fractures from the whole because it cannot consciously exist with what happened. The fractured personality may shut down and go to sleep for many years. It may remain conscious, but in an altered state, unaware of the life of the primary personality. It may even remain conscious and involved with the life of the primary personality, but as a distinct being, only able to influence the course events indirectly by affecting the primary personality.

My mother and I have done a great deal of work related to reintegrating fractured personalities, or in some rare cases, freeing them from the original personality. Her ability to surrogate for other beings and allow them to communicate through her has made the reality of fractured personalities and so many other aspects of non-physical reality undeniable for me.

Fractured personalities are very similar to lost soul fragments and are created by similar conditions. They are largely the same phenomena, but occur on different levels of reality, the psychological/energy body level versus the soul level. There are slightly different techniques for dealing with each, but a treatment for one will often help with the other.

Another very similar variety of personality fragmentation derives from reincarnation and past life issues. If the personality that develops within an individual life diverges too greatly from the totality of its soul, that personality will not be able join with its soul after the death of its physical body. Any number of things may happen to the personality at that point, ranging from hibernation until it can be reintegrated, to wandering the Earth as a “spirit” or “ghost,” or even being trapped within the body of successive incarnations, but unable to fully manifest except through subtle influences. My mother and I have personally encountered all of these. An author who is even further out of the ordinary than Aaron McCollum, but whose experiences are very reminiscent of our own is Denise Le Fay. Between pages 178 and 183 of her book “A Lightworker’s Mission: The Journey Through Polarity Resolution,” she describes similar process to what we have experienced. You can read that section of her book as pages 18 to 23 of a PDF excerpt here.

“Repeating the Past” With Peter Watts

April 14, 2010

I never cease to savour the irony in my enjoyment of Peter Watts and his writing. His novels and short stories are some of the most unforgiving lenses through which I have ever viewed the human condition, as well as some of the best hard science fiction that I have ever read, yet, in the right light (or the wrong light, depending on one’s point of view) they eloquently make certain metaphysical points that elude normal explanation.

An example of this is Watts’ very short story (a single page), Repeating the Past. The metaphysical question is why one might choose to enter the process of reincarnation and karma. The answer, because we never really learn anything that we didn’t live, or that didn’t become part of us. Go have a read. It will only take a minute.

PS Peter Watts was recently convicted in what seems to me to be a miscarriage of justice, if not the law in question. I didn’t post about it at the time because I really couldn’t deal with all the bad stuff I was reading about in the world. If you would like more information about his conviction, the trial and events leading up to it I encourage you to go Watts’ blog or view his new interview at


April 5, 2010

Every kind of karma is just a repetitious higher dimensional energy pattern that souls and energy bodies carry with them. Karma is generated when a soul manifests, such as in physical incarnation, and then, through intense involvement with that manifestation, begins to identify with and absorb the patterns of that manifest system (human existence). The soul will then carry these patterns forward through successive lives until the soul, or one of its manifestations, truly transcends the pattern at the higher dimensional state where it is carried. Transcendence of these patterns can be achieved in many forms and by different means, but the essence is carried in Albert Einsteins often heard “A problem cannot be solved at the level of consciousness that created it.” Many souls must incarnate numerous times to grow beyond any individual pattern of karma, their physical form unconsciously confronting the pattern over and over again, until the solution and resolution of that pattern have become ingrained at the soul level. Factors that can accelerate this process include conscious recognition of the pattern, conscious desire to end the pattern, preferably made manifest in speech, writing, or symbolic act, and the reciprocation of the these factors from any other souls that are part of the karma pattern. Additionally, the assistance of an individual capable of consciously interacting with the higher dimensional realities where karma resides and who knows certain techniques for ending it, will drastically accelerate the process.

The manifestation of karma within a human life does not occur evenly from birth to death. Karma is a cyclical or repetitive energy pattern completely stored in a higher dimensional state. To manifest, the structure and complexity of the human life must be similar to the structure and complexity of the karma pattern. Only very potent karma, or karma based on a physical energy, can manifest a birth, simply because the structure and levels of complexity are too divergent for most patterns to transfer from the soul to the physical level. As a person’s life develops, physically, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, socially and energetically, more karma can manifest. This process is aided by the structure of the human system of incarnation, which is designed to provide, wherever possible, the opportunities that each soul needs to further develop. At least, that is how it’s supposed to work on a good day, when there isn’t interference.

To be simplistic, there are two general ways in which human beings deal with their karma, bottom-up and top-down. Most humans work from the bottom-up. They live out their karma again and again within their life and throughout each successive incarnation until the lessons are imprinted within the soul. Bottom-up takes a long, long, long, long time to work, and it really chews you up on the way. The only advantages are that you don’t need any special training or to work at being conscious, you just follow the script. The top-down approach is much less common, being represented by most of the worlds sacred and mystic traditions that involve any amount of inner work and development. Techniques such as meditation, ritual, intent and occasionally the use of entheogens begin processes that, among other things, allow the soul to end and erase its own patterns of karma and subsequently their manifestations in the physical world. Top-down is much faster, by which I mean it will probably only take most of your current life to work through the major issues. It also doesn’t chew you up as much. It still does chew you up because it is usually a difficult and demanding process to deal with your karma. It takes a lot of patience, stamina, compassion, humility and acceptance, as well as intelligence, sensitivity and a continued awareness of your life patterns to address karma. Most top-downers are just bottom-uppers who have achieved enough consciousness to know they don’t want to go through their karma yet again. There’s really no other reason to put up with the trial and effort of it. Keep in mind that top-down and bottom-up are just two stereotypical extremes on a an infinite spectrum and that any real person will fall somewhere between the two, if that spectrum is even valid to describe their life. I’ll provide an example to demonstrate this.

I think it is very difficult (not impossible) to recognize and address karma until it has somehow manifested in your life. You allow karma to manifest by living a human life. By human I mean bearing the pattern inherent to our seven chakras that represent the psychophysical, energetic and social development of a human being throughout life. Put more simply.

1st Chakra: Develop your physical body, go running, take up tai chi or boxing.
2nd Chakra: Get a girlfriend/boyfriend, join a social sport, learn how to give a speech, go back to school.
3rd Chakra: Develop yourself professionally, exercise your personal authority.
4th Chakra: Enter a more intimate level of a relationship, connect with another person on a deep emotional level.
5th Chakra: Hold a higher vision (archetypal, mythical, ancentral) and manifest it, artistically, socially or even physically.
6th Chakra: Take up a new spiritual or mystic practice.
7th Chakra: Go fish.

In other words, to manifest your karma so you can clear it, you have to engage in systems which, on at least some level, have the potential to generate more karma. Once manifest, the karma can be addressed. This tends to create cycles in which a person will increasingly become engrossed by one of these human journeys and their karma associated with it until a critical point is reached, conscious recognition of the karmic patterns occurs and the person begins the process of ending the karma. Sometime after the karma is ended, the person will begin another cycle, possibly even with the same aspect of the human journey, but with all new karma or a deeper layer of the same karma.

Though I have used a specific term “karma,” which for me is a very precise kind of energetic from, there are many other kinds of past life issue which follow very similar patterns. Negative timelines and acquired dense or negative energies are two common kinds. Also remember that I am ignoring the role of energy beings, forces and intelligences that can often play a profound roll in the causation and resolution of karma and other past life issues. I do this because to include these would geometrically increase the complexity of the topic. More on the topic of karma/past life issues and on the beings, forces and intelligences that might interact with it can predominantly be found under the “Energy Medicine” tag.

The specific procedures for ending karma and negative timelines can be found in my post: To Heal the Past and Guard the Future: 1

Light and Water

January 10, 2010

I was feeling very claustrophobic being trapped in one body and one shape today. Drawing this other meaning over my skin helped. Looking at it calms me.

The picture reminds me of some oceanic creature of light, floating in a great abyss. Feels like home.

Edit: I would never, under any circumstances experiment with or devise drawn forms infused with magickal or sacred intent. I only did so in this case because it was very clearly given to me to do this in particular. This will most likely seem like a minor or inconsequential point. It is not. Aside from the inherent dangers involved in any reality altering technique, I’m just not supposed to use ritual magick, sigils or drawn forms, with some very minor exceptions. I suspect this is because I have misused those techniques in past lives. It would go very badly for me if I tried to use them casually.