Archive for June, 2011


June 29, 2011

I am preparing for a day when humanity awakens to a world with the quality of a dream. The filter of the ego and the bonds of the physical world will be thinned and your actions and your being will be defined by what lives within you. Impulse, emotion, imagination and reaction from the deepest subconscious will become felt reality.

I am not preparing for this day because I think it will happen, or because I have been convinced that it’s a good idea to do so. I am doing it because that is what comes to me. It is what I find myself doing in every moment of my day that I don’t force to some other use.

I prepare for that day by revealing the darkness within myself and traversing it until it becomes nothing, a lens of space which transmits the quality of my incorruptible being.

Four Threads

June 29, 2011

I have a very strong desire to provide background and context for everything I say about the energetic or stranger side of my life, but acknowledging my humanity and my own weaknesses, providing that context and background takes an amount of energy and focus that I just don’t have right now, and that I am not likely to have any time in the near future. With that being said, my purpose in this post is to provide basic information about some things I feel that I need to talk about, primarily my genetic make up and some physical or material events that might have affected it.

There are at least four threads that run through my physical and energy bodies in this world. I’m sure that there are more, but I don’t know about them and they may not be as influential. I’ve talked about two of these threads as being human and reptilian. The other two are insectile and goblin. These threads are a mixed blessing at best. I see and understand the world in ways distinct from those of the beings around me, but these threads clash, within my body and my being.

I wrote about what I mean by reptilian previously here:

When I say insectile I mean the mantis like beings that UFO abducties and experiencers occasionally refer to. I have no way of speaking about the nature of every beings that appears in this way, but the ones that I have energetically interacted with most and seem connected to me are not very nice and seem defined by an obsessive pursuit of personal flawlessness. This leads to a lack of compassion or empathy for other beings and themselves.

When I say goblin I mean a variety of what I can only refer to as fairy. I found a description from the Wikipedia entry on goblins, of all places, that I feel sums up what I mean very clearly: “In “The Goblin Field” (Moldova), Goblins were described as 2-3 feet tall, thin and brown. Most were bald and “if there were females among the group they could not be distinguished from the males”. They seemed to exist in two realms, one physical and one spirit. They were fiercely loyal and allied with particular sorcerer or witch tribes, whom they protected and served as an equally allied tribe rather than servants or slaves. “This perception might seem a bit strange to any not accustomed to the goblin outlook” because the goblins often did what might be considered slave work for very little in return. They could be called by an allied individual or group, summoned by spell, or called to bargain at particular places by individuals or groups not known to them. Because of their power they were much sought after, but because of the corruption of mankind, rarely found. Crossing them was a thing to avoid as they had refined a grudge to a fine art. They could be fierce and mind-numbingly frightening, and only the hardiest of souls were sent to strike a bargain with them. However they had a side which few ever saw, which was their great love for those who were able to create an understanding and friendship with them. At the passing of such a person, they would treat the body with proper respect and then quietly weep.”

I feel the need to give other human beings the opportunity to open their minds to this, for their own wellbeing as much as for my own peace. I think that many, many people have a more diverse genetic background than they are aware of. I have been forced through my energy work to confront these aspects of my being within my self and my family, or suffer by the lack of that self knowledge. A brief example of this would be that recently more of my goblin DNA was activated so that I could create something that derives from their way of relating to existence. However, adjusting to this activation was mentally and physically painful because reptilian-human hybrid DNA and goblin DNA are not compatible. My mother and I spoke and realized we were having the same symptoms. I told her about the Goblin DNA activation and the rest came out by process of her surrogating and both of us asking questions of the beings that spoke through her, which are always related to the problems we are experiencing. We then identified what needed to be changed to allow compatibility and asked our guides to guide our energies in making those changes.

I think that I am a result of a natural lineage of human-nonhuman DNA that may also have been experimented upon to enhance the quantity and diversity of that non-human DNA. I was conceived via in vitro fertilization at the Hallam Medical Centre (now part of the London Women’s Clinic) in London, England, cir. 1986-87. I don’t have any physical evidence or knowledge of any illicit activities or strange events occurring at that facility during that time or any other, but given everything I have read and learned over the last five years I consider it a possibility that something was done to my parents genetic material as it was used to create me.

I do not want anyone to believe what I have written here. It would be unreasonable for another person to think what I am saying is true without either physical evidence or traversing the energetic experiences and personal health problems witch have brought me to the point where I can say these things with a straight face. At most I hope that my intentions will be considered sincere. In an ideal world I would relate the experiences that have brought me to this point in detail, but they flow in a way that escapes the written word. Pinning them down into narrative has always been an awkward, time consuming and draining task that I was never satisfied with at my best and that is certainly beyond me at the present.

I hope that there is something that others can take from what I am relating, more than an unused oddity.

June 22, 2011


Touched by your goodness, I am like
that grand piano we found one night on Willoughby
that someone had smashed and somehow
heaved through an open window.

And you might think by this I mean I’m broken
or abandoned, or unloved. Truth is, I don’t
know exactly what I am, any more
than the wreckage in the alley knows
it’s a piano, filling with trash and yellow leaves.

Maybe I’m all that’s left of what I was.
But touching me, I know, you are the good
breeze blowing across its rusted strings.

What would you call that feeling when the wood,
even with its cracked harp, starts to sing?

Patrick Phillips

Reposted from Joe Jackson’s Beautiful Bicycle, formerly Throwing Down Flowers.

Eternity and Love

June 12, 2011

I’ve been wanting to post this for a very long time. It holds a great truth about what remembering too much does to a human being.

The other side of this is that because I remember enough I do know that love is without time, it’s merely the mask that crumbles and fades.

June 11, 2011

Imagine ouroboroi spiraling outward in every dimension that you can, and they are all made of life and music and time, eternally recreating eachother and themselves.

June 10, 2011

A wise man once pointed out that the problem with establishing any system of control to maintain laudable standards in human behavior is that there is really no assurance that you or anyone that you like very much is always going to be determining what those laudable standards are.

The absence of this insight can be summed up in the old refrain “go right ahead officer. I have nothing to hide.” The unfortunate truth is that you don’t get to decide if you have anything worth hiding. Other people do, and if they decide that you have become inconvenient then you may have very much more to hide than you think.

June 10, 2011

The truth is that you really do have to develop your individuality, your humanity, your ego, to whatever point you wish to be able to transcend them.

Time is Alive

June 3, 2011

There are certain things that I know beyond what is rationally considered.

One of those things is that time is a living form. It breaths and feels as we do, though in a way that we have forgoten how to see. What’s more is that as all life is connected to all life, time is united with life, with living things. we’re soaked in it and we each carry it within us. Even the smallest cell is a well of time, though it flows between us all.

When I speak of time it should be clear that I am not speaking of the outward forms by which humanity cuts and measures it by the movement of planets or the pulse of atoms. I am talking about a breathing, continuous flow that grows, recedes, shifts and lives. It’s responsive and intelligent and quite aware of us. It is also in pain, but we are going to do something about that.