Trying to use the spirit as ego feed is like licking a battery or inhaling gasoline. Spirit wasn’t meant for that and depending on how much you take it’ll take you apart or kill you.

Spirit isn’t there to feed your ego. It can be fun and playful or it can tear you apart and none of it has to do with the story you’re trying to tell about your life.

Spirit is there to hold the world together. Some people can be playful with that and be true to it, others can’t. I can’t be playful with it, even when I laugh, even when it’s funny, because it’s always a matter of life and death. That’s what I’m true to. That’s my hangup.

Everytime I do this it’s like reaching across an abyss. I know there are horrors, but I have to try. Hope there’s a hand waiting to catch mine.

Ultimately a don’t think I will be left with anything to defend myself from reality or god or truth. No theory or path or system by which to reach whatever promised land I might be seeking. It’s just down to me and a moment of space. I invite my deepest truth into that space. Let it be good.


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