Archive for March, 2011

Build Something

March 27, 2011

This is the kind of thing I think about all the time now.

Not making a toaster, but how I could possibly live without a million miles of supply lines and industry.

More accurately my thoughts trend this way (credit to Seismologik for these videos).

With some of this as well. Fusion, not fission.


March 21, 2011

I wish I lived in a world where it was okay to say “I spoke with a goblin on my walk today. He lives inside a thorn bush covered in white berries just beside a little wharf. To other people he just looks like a pile of leaves under the bush, but to me, when I remember talking to him, he looks like he’s the same as the bush, covered in thorny bark with yellow-white eyes. It sounded like German when I spoke to him, but I know it’s not. I don’t know what I said, but I needed to tell him something. He didn’t say much.”

But I don’t live in that world, and it’s not really okay.

For the record, a light next to the sidewalk went out as I walked by on my way home and I arrived home at the exact moment as another person who lives with me. This person had been out many hours and I had no way of know when they would return. Just little pats on the back.

Glass and Cloth and Light and Wind

March 15, 2011

“Why do you talk about integrity? What happened to ‘dissolving in the winds of time?’ Why do you speak at cross purposes?”

Because English isn’t sight or sound or taste or the thousand other things which create each moment. It’s an arrow that moves in only one direction at once.

The point of letting go isn’t to disolve and disappeare. It is to become more than you are now. Or to remember what you have always been.

See the great edifices of the Earth. Stone and immovable. Without gravity they come to nothing. What pulls them down is what holds them up. In the void they come apart so easily. We are no different when struggle, whether for food, or station, or knowledge, is all that we know. When we step outside we come apart, and if we are lucky, are put back together differently than before.

A structure, of itself, that does not rest upon another. It is self sustained, but open. It is not a reaction or a pre-meditation. When a glass is placed upon a cloth we see the pattern of the cloth, but the glass is not changed. When the cloth moves in the wind we see the wind, but the cloth is not changed. Be as that.

What wind should you allow to move you? Perhaps the wind which is of the process that brought you to ask the question.

There is a Point

March 15, 2011

There is a point.

If you hurt someone enough for a long enough they will loose their connection to their true self.

It is not the ego that is lost, and it doesn’t take much, just a little petty suffering and deprivation meted out over the years.

To great trials and persecution the ego and identity rally. There is an integrity within those things that is all their own and lent to whomever may find themselves in those circumstances, deserving of it or not.

What I do has no integrity of its own. There is no functional way of disearning me from a charlatan except in that what I do is, of itself, real and without artifice. There is no school, no grand technique, no god or church at my back. Just me and whatever integrity I bring with me when I wake in the morning.

Maybe you can understand then, why it terrifies me when I feel so close to that point of loosing my true self, even for a moment. I don’t have anything else.


March 8, 2011

Trying to force memories from one level of consciousness to another is usually like trying to draw spaghetti through a keyhole. That image is perfect and it was just given to me. The memories tear and distort as you try to pull them through. You only get a little bit and it damages the memory.

This came to me when I was trying to recall what questions I asked the Music and the other beings when they came to me. They just gave me this image and I know if I try to recover the details by force the nuance and the essence of what I was given will be impaired.

Sleeping Light

March 8, 2011

There was a bluish light. I was just waking up in my bed, but not quite. I knew it was the Music and the other beings that help me. I asked them questions. Their answers would slowly play out as images that were metaphors. This went on for what seemed like a very long time. I can’t recall the questions or the answers, but I feel them within me. They are there at a deeper level of my structure, guiding my actions and thoughts.

Compare this experience with my earlier post “A Momentary Light”:


March 3, 2011

Trying to use the spirit as ego feed is like licking a battery or inhaling gasoline. Spirit wasn’t meant for that and depending on how much you take it’ll take you apart or kill you.

Spirit isn’t there to feed your ego. It can be fun and playful or it can tear you apart and none of it has to do with the story you’re trying to tell about your life.

Spirit is there to hold the world together. Some people can be playful with that and be true to it, others can’t. I can’t be playful with it, even when I laugh, even when it’s funny, because it’s always a matter of life and death. That’s what I’m true to. That’s my hangup.

Everytime I do this it’s like reaching across an abyss. I know there are horrors, but I have to try. Hope there’s a hand waiting to catch mine.

Ultimately a don’t think I will be left with anything to defend myself from reality or god or truth. No theory or path or system by which to reach whatever promised land I might be seeking. It’s just down to me and a moment of space. I invite my deepest truth into that space. Let it be good.


March 3, 2011

Spiritual development is a lot like using mouthwash.

“Okay, the bottle said to rinse for sixty seconds. Damn this is uncomfortable. Just keep swishing. Just 20 more seconds. *spit*”

“Okay, I don’t know if I can stand to hold my awareness open like this much longer. I feel like I’m coming apart. The Music is asking me to hold this for just a little longer. *return to shallower state of awareness*”

They are also similar in that effects are percieved over a very extended period of time.

New Posts at Shamayin

March 1, 2011

There are new posts at Shamayin. I suggest checking them out: