The Healing of Shame

I once wrote that shame is the most destructive emotion. I said that because I have had to fight the shame of other beings, each of them feeling that they need to suffer endlessly, hurting others in the process. They need to suffer and to throw themselves to those who will help them suffer. They do this because the alternative is unbearable. To transcend your first unthinking emotional reaction, you genuinely need to process the event that created it. In the case of shame, that process is agony, and for most beings it is literally impossible without help.

It takes a tremendous focus of energy to maintain an open awareness through any intense emotional reaction. It so much easier to just ride along with it and follow the script behind your eyes. The moment you open your awareness and stop reacting, you have to feel everything anew with perfect clarity. All you want to do is close right back up. This process is hard enough when the shame is small, a mistake of daily life, but when the shame is large, the death of a loved one or a terrible act committed by or against that person, it becomes insurmountable for the individual. The shame can almost be thought of as a separate entity that tries to protect itself. It prevents the healing of the original event. It whispers into its host’s ear “I need to suffer. I need to be punished. If what happened is healed then I won’t be punished.” No healing of the original event may occur while this continues and until the original event is healed it will continue to hurt everyone it touches and everyone that they touch, not solely the one who seeks punish himself.


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2 Responses to “The Healing of Shame”

  1. "Lucretia Heart" Says:


    I just wanted to let you know I’ve finally come around to reading your blog and I’m so glad I did!

    I have a lot of reading to do– but I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your clarity of thought and your balanced emotional approach. Most refreshing.

    ~ Lucretia

  2. wildrote Says:

    Thank you, Lucretia

    It’s very gratifying to know you’ve enjoyed some of my writing here.

    Clarity of thought and emotional balance are qualities that I try to embody in my work, so I deeply appreciate your comment.

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