Over the last week I’ve had an intense flu, from which I am now recovering. As I mentioned in my recent post I Dwell Among the Broken, there is the potential in physical shock and hardship to open a human being to the broader nature of their reality. Sickness lives on this potential spectrum, and I became more aware of certain experiences I don’t think I’ve written about before.
The most intense of the phenomena that I experienced is what I’ve come to call parallel memories. The first time I became aware of this phenomena was after I had been sitting for a prolonged period in a defocused state where I could interact freely with my guides without my conscious mind getting in the way too much. From an external physical perspective I had just been reading on my computer. When I finally get up to do something else I casually wonder when a friend who lives with me will get home and think about what I’ll say when he asks what I’ve been doing…. Suddenly it feels as though I cannot remember what I have been doing for the last couple of hours. I think about telling my friend that I have just been reading and I am overcome with a sense of anxiety. The feeling is very much that I have not just been reading. I already know that more has been going on, but in an abstract sense that I knew my guides asked me to be in a certain state of consciousness for that period of time so that work could be done. When I quieted my mind and just asked myself “what did happen during that period of time?” a picture came to me. The picture was of me sitting in front of my computer, but there is a little man standing behind me. He is whitish and very indistinct, like a camera out of focus. He is using his hands to do something to the back of my head, but I cannot see that clearly. Even so, I know when I ask that he is organizing crystals inside my head so they will function better. To be clear, he didn’t put the crystal there, he was just making them work better.
The result of this process of remembering that I have just described is that I have two sets of memories. In one I am just reading at my computer while in a particular state of consciousness. In the other set, I am looking at this little man working on my head. The feeling of anxiety that I experienced was centred around not recalling the latter set of memories. I was not at all anxious about what the little man was doing once I remembered it. to characterize the series of events, I began in a defocused state where work was being done and I felt fine. I moved to a state focused on my personal social life, in which I could not easily remember or process what had just happened to me and thus I experienced anxiety over a lack of memory and awareness. This resulted in me entering a focused transpersonal state so that I could recover and integrate my memories into my rational, 3D life. This set of experiences took place sometime earlier this year.
My most recent set of experiences are mostly likely the result of the prolonged pain, sleeplessness, psychological extremity that came from being sick. If I had not experienced so much else in my life I would just say that I was delusional from a mild fever, or dreaming. I still don’t rule that out, or any other mundane explanation for that matter. I have simply come to a point where it would be disingenuous if I did not portray my experiences as I have them.
Late Tuesday evening, Nov 9th, I had been sick for two days and had not slept for any notable time since Sunday night. I was also in a large amount of continuous sinus pain and discomfort and had a throbbing painful heat in my forehead. I did not hold much hope for sleep considering my condition, but eventually I became so tired that I decided to try. I got a damp wash cloth and lay down in bed with it folded over my forehead. This begins two sets of separate and almost incompatible memories, yet they remain tenuously connected by shared moments. In one set of memories, I got up repeatedly to redampen my washcloth that would very quickly become warm, and them I would return to bed. In the other set of memories, I am a disembodied and abstract being. I have a purpose, which is to negotiate a religious/spiritual dispute between two species of non-human beings. These beings live in a different dimensions or state and their spiritual dispute over the meaning and interpretation of a prophecy between their two peoples has great implications for where and how they will live, their forms and implications for a greater cosmic order and well being. I am concerned for all of this, but not as Christopher Taylor. Some transpersonal aspect of my being seems to be the prime actor here, formulating arguments much in the role of arbitrator, but without the colouring of my personality.
These two sets of memories flow in and out of each other, but remain parallel. I remember being awake while some of the proceedings took place, but I do not remember reacting to them from my personal identity or acknowledging them in any until after. the next day I had the distinct impression that in one way I had seen something that human beings are generally forced not to remember, but that the Music was quite happy that I had entered a state where my ego was so diffuse that I could experience what I was doing in that other place directly.