More Than a Reaction to Fear

Earlier this year, around the time I was reading Mac Tonnies’ The Cryptoterrestrials, I spent two, dreary, overcast days and dark, cold nights terrified out of my mind that I was going to be taken by reptilians.

My mother and I had just done some very disturbing work on things that supposedly happened when I was a child, and my fear was completely beyond rational control. I didn’t sleep at all and it was difficult to bring myself to eat. I was consumed by that fear.

Eventually, on the morning of the third day, I came to a singular moment. I realized within that moment, on some deep, trans-rational level, that I would rather not exist than be this terrified, but that I really truly do want to exist. CLICK (as Robert Munroe would put it)

Almost without thinking I got up, went to my computer and started watching funny videos. I was completely exhausted, but I wasn’t afraid anymore. Something had just changed inside of me. I could no longer be that afraid of the possibility of what might have happened, or what may happen now. I had to be taken right to the edge in order to see that.

I still have many deep fears, ones that I can’t overcome by suppressing, denying or hiding, but I hope that I can decide to let them go when they come to me, with a little help. There are really terrible things in this world, and beyond it to, but I am asked to be more than my reaction to that fact. I am asked to be a light, and I will try.

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2 Responses to “More Than a Reaction to Fear”

  1. Mike Clelland Says:


    I just read this post, and went back and found several other posts where you address the same subject.

    The story you tell about your genetic kinship to reptilians seems outrageous, except for the fact that I’ve heard the same story (or very similar ones) repeatedly in recent months.

    For reasons I don’t understand, I have heard almost identical first hand accounts from others. It would be very easy to dismiss these stories as delusional, but I am perplexed by the consistency. Particularly the fact that these stories are emerging right now.

    Yes – Cynthia Crawford is an impressive and brave woman. There is a power in her forthright honesty.

    I have no advice for you. But I can say that the path you are on must be challenging, and reading your postings – those challenges have served you in a way that seems powerful.

    You write about the shaman. I honestly don’t truly know what that means in our present day society, but I do know it has a very real value.

    Mike C

  2. wildrote Says:

    Hello Mike,

    I’ve been trying to comment or add to what you’ve written, but I think you’ve admirably encapsulated my situation.

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