Why It’s Hard

Months ago, in my post Initiation, I said there was a reason that I had to fight for the knowledge, abilities and connections that I know have and that I’d get around to explaining it eventually. Tonight is eventually.

There are a lot of reasons that I’ve had a hard time. That I came here to do hard things is certainly one of them, but there are two basic reasons that I’ve had to fight for perception and understanding. The first is that I, along with several other souls in my node, intentionally took on negative associations and burdens before we incarnated. These burdens would give us the right to heal their cause in the world, should we develop the ability to do so. Think of it as the higher-dimensional (and often literal) equivalent of incarnating into a family with a bad history so you have the right to heal that history. We were very careful in taking on these burdens, measuring them against our capacity to hold them versus our capacities to retain and manifest our soul identities. Energies, positive and negative, were hard won and carefully balanced so that we could do our work without succumbing to it. Unfortunately there is the second reason. We were betrayed. We expected the support of many positive beings of the Earth energy system. What’s more we didn’t expect that they would actively interfere with us and our work. When we incarnated, the energies that we had carefully balanced were over-whelmed by positive beings and intelligences that had decided that it would be highly inconvenient if we attained awareness of our selves and purpose.

The idea of positive and negative is very simplistic. I generally use it to draw a dichotomy between that which predominantly feeds from and controls those that are held to be separate from the self (negative) and that which predominantly manifests from all being and does not seek control (positive). There is really an infinite, multi-dimensional spectrum, but negative and positive are a useful shorthand.

The beings and intelligences that betrayed us were more connected to all being than to predation and control, but still couldn’t deal with the massive changes to the rules that govern the Earth energy system that I and the node of souls I incarnated with wanted to allow into being. So they jammed our systems and called in negative entities and intelligences to distract and hold us back. Every piece of karma and every old timeline was dragged up and thrown back at us. Even false ones generated if we’d dealt with all the real ones that had come to the surface at the time.

I’ve since learned that many souls incarnate as part of a broad plan managed by one or more positive being or intelligences. They get support and guidance within the plan and they have a soul agreement to follow it. This is not what my node choose to do. We came to allow the greatest spiritual/energetic freedom and true self knowledge, without restriction or ideology. There were not many within the Earth system that liked that idea.

It took me a long time to get to a level of ability and acuity of perception that we could deal with the positive interference that we had not planned for. I’m still dealing with it.

I don’t think about what happened in terms of persecution. We just tried to do something they weren’t ready for. I do have an amount of disdain for the blustering, indignant “Follow the Rules!” mentality I get off a lot of the Earth system energy beings who have a problem with me. I have a history as a spiritual trickster with that kind of hierarchy based being, but mostly I just wish they would leave me alone so I could continue to allow space for broader and deeper kinds of consciousness to come into our world.


2 Responses to “Why It’s Hard”

  1. sidewalkbends Says:

    I’ve seen in some posts where you’ve alluded to all of us as being One or all the same, but I’ve also seen you put it terms of “Us versus Them.” How do you reconcile this for yourself?

    I have found with myself that when I put it in terms of us versus them, it separated me from others, and yet that did not feel right.

  2. wildrote Says:

    Reconcile isn’t exactly the word I would use.

    This post and its comments my be helpful: https://wildrote.wordpress.com/2009/06/08/forces-intelligences-and-souls/

    In simplest terms, individuality is real. It is a lived experience. Simultaneously, the undivided unity of all consciousness is also continuously real. A conceit of separation is necessary to achieve certain cosmic ends. That conceit, to me, seems a greater gulf than that between the stars. We strive for any tenuous bridge back to that state, yet we never left. It’s the greatest game of “grow the best world you can.” Everyone is playing and the stakes are unimaginably high, but we play the game against ourselves everyday. They’re real and you’re real. It’s all completely real and all completely an illusion. We are all one, undivided, outside time.

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