What holds me back from going completely into my felt presence of reality? There is a simple answer. I do not yet know how to feed the people.
What keeps me from my own experience is the fear of death. Not my own, for though my body clings to life my mind and soul would make no nest of pain from my passing. I fear the death of others who have not remembered yet, who would tear at the world and themselves in leaving it.
Healing, I have seen. Communication across time and space, I have seen. Many things I have seen, but food is what holds me captive. When oil is gone industrial agriculture will collapse. From oil we make both the fertilizers and pesticides that we need in massive amounts to maintain high-yield industrial monoculture crops. Even if we had energy to drive the machinery it would not replace these material inputs. Billions will starve, die in pain and anguish trying to find any way to survive, no matter how grotesque. I cannot accept this and I cannot leave the world as-it-is-presented until I see for myself a way beyond it.
I spoke to my mother about this. A voice came to her and said that if the people were opened and could receive a signal then they could be fed. I need to see. I need to see it done.