I was recently asked to retell the story of how I became a shaman. The truth is that there is no limited series of events that lead to this moment, but none the less, the story goes like this:
I was riding a bus back to my parents home, where I had grown up and still lived when I wasn’t in Halifax for university or work. It was a dim, overcast day in the very early summer of 2007. My mind was wandering on some set of scenarios or events that I no longer remember. I suddenly became aware of a sense of fear, dread and loss, as if something was being taken from me, yet this feeling related to nothing that I had been thinking of. I focused on these feelings and became aware of an entity behind me. I could see it in my minds eye, a dark web with a single red glowing eye in the centre. It was reaching for the back of my head trying to reach inside me to take the brightly colored crystals that I knew were my emotions. It was trying to take away everything that made who I was.
I tried everything I could imagine to repel or destroy it. I imagined hurting it with weapons and moving away from it, but these hardly helped at all. I began to see that there was more than one entity around me as well. I was in love at that time, which in hindsight was probably both the reason for the attack and the best defense I had. That first time what got me through was visualizing a symbol of the person I loved behind my head, blocking the entity and driving it away.
Over the next year I became increasingly aware of these entities and the space in which they existed. Part of me was trapped in the infinite space of darkness where they lived. It was worst when I tried to sleep and there was nothing to distract, or pull me out of there. I eventually brought these problems to an energy medicine worker that my mother and I had been going to see for about a decade. We tried many, many treatments to get me out of that dimension, but nothing helped for very long. Even so, I’m still very thankful for the help I got from both of these women.
A little less than a year after the first attack, I was traveling in the US with my aunt from New Mexico. We were staying at a hotel in a place called Page, Arizona. It was late evening. I had just finished my long overdue paper for a directed study course on ecological parasitology and e-mailed it to my mother, who would take it in to the prof. With free time and an internet connection I restarted my habitual search for sites related to energy medicine, shamanism, energy parasites and so on. I happened onto a very interesting website. I e-mailed the URL to my mother and realized that earlier in the evening she had sent me an e-mail saying that she had found a website vaguely talking about the same things. I later wondered if I’d found the website because I’d seem the title of her e-mail earlier, or if we found the same website on the same night by less ordinary means.
I immediately went on to read the site through. It talked about a powerful kind of entity called a Suppressor Parasite Entity (SPE). It said that these entities were sent by dark(ego) forces to hinder “lightworkers, healers, spiritual leaders and other highly powerful and/or influential people whose authentic purpose and mission is to bring about positive global transformation, raise consciousness, heal and bring back our divine inheritance.” All the symptoms of the SPE fit with the experiences that had lead me and my mother to energy medicine in the first place, and with our often confusing and difficult experiences of trying to heal ourselves. I read on. SPEs have a “special immunity to love light” (healing energy) and that “the power of light” (light energy) must be used to remove them.
As I read the last lines I was filled with a righteous anger, totally against my normal personality. I KNEW that my purpose and path in life had been stolen from me by a vile thing slithering into me while I was unaware. I felt energy in the sky and Earth pull together, touching inside my head and pouring out of me in fire and light. It poured through me and into that infinite place of darkness where the parasites that I had fought so long lived. I filled it with plasma and they turned to ash and then to light. I was never trapped there again.
It took several more months to get rid of the entity I felt inside me after that night. My guides tell me that SPE is as good a name as any. They, and my own perception of reality, say that the website was mostly inaccurate, but it did catalyze my experience. For that I am thankful to those who created it.
After that my abilities to direct and perceive energy grew quickly and I became able to find and communicate with many kinds of guide. By the end of the summer of 2008 I was a shaman in my own eyes.
I have often held back this story because in some energy medicine and shamanic circles there is a taboo against experiencing the negative and the darkness that exists in the energetic world. They think something is wrong with you, and the truth is that sometimes there is. My path has always been one of struggle. I have had to fight, and was often forced to fight, for most of the knowledge and power that I have. I have been told by my guides that there are reasons for this, but that is another post.
This text was modified from my post “Initiation” found here.