I have been traveling through a real darkness over the last months.
I feel like I am coming out of it now. It’s been very difficult, but I know it will make my work better. It’s a sign of who I wish to work with. My clients are going to look into my eyes and see “that man knows the pain that I am feeling.” It’s a sign of who I want to be. I want to be able to look into my clients eyes and say “I know the pain you are feeling.”
I have to thank Laura Burns and Patricia Wilson of Hatha Girls for helping me through the last leg of my ongoing journey. As I’ve said before they are the real deal, powerful healers and mediums, and I wouldn’t be where I am today in terms of my development or my life if not for them. Working with them has not only helped me through this, but also helped me to develop tools that will help to protect me from the negative and wounded energies I need to work with and keep me from burning out in the future.
I have been able to choose tools to bolster and enrich my work that I previously could not because of my karmic history. I have been freed to improve my work in ways I couldn’t before. Months ago I asked my guides for “a practice that gave me separation from the unalloyed process. A gateway that I would have to choose to enter, instead of an unbidden power.” I see this as a continuation of that quest. I have spent years learning to hold an inner fire in my hands. Now, because I have moved through another part of my self, I can learn to hold that fire in a new way.
When you are afraid or uncomfortable with your light, your truth or your darkness, then those aspects of your being will make others uncomfortable. When those aspects of your being seduce and beguile you, then they will seduce and beguile others. When those aspects of your being have become transparent, neither sought nor rejected, but held like seeds in an open hand, then they will grow and bear gifts for you and all those in your life.
I have chosen another journey for myself. It feels good.