The process of the sacred fire is one pole of the reaction that the light of god engenders within living beings and physical matter. The opposite pole is much more straight forward to me because I have no need to embellish it in life. It is the complete, absolute forgiveness and acceptance of your true self and all life. Knowing that you and all that you contain is perfection and a manifestation of god that can never be made unholy by any action or deed.
Archive for December, 2011
As a result of my interaction and eventual synonymity with the Music from Beyond the World I do not reflexively distinguish myself from others. I perceive thoughts and feelings with exquisite clarity, their hues, locations and intensities, but applying the semiotic butchers blade of “I” and “you” is now the function of intellect or a powerful individuating emotion, not natural behavior. I get the words reversed without noticing, particularly with people from whom I hide myself, or those from whom I hide nothing.
I have learned more about the nature of my personal reality and potential through fiction and games than I have through genuine mystical texts or the accounts of healers. I have learned even more by living and expressing those truths. I work with and help human beings who have been terribly abused and who have suffered greatly. There is an ego need that my nature and what I do be authentic and pure, not frivolous or trivial, but I have never been able to find the reality of those ideas. To me the inventions of children bear the same weight as the words of ancient sages. I find truth or discard them as they speak to me. Things that are not, that cannot be literally true have the power to change the world. Not all of these stories are lies, or just playing with words. Some of them speak to us. Make us uncomfortable because somewhere in the depths we know that they are true at the same time that we know they could not be. They have not simply the power of lies, or illusions, but the power of transformation.
Suffering-for-its-own-sake has nothing to do with light, clarity, truth or knowledge.
Suffering-for-its-own-sake is part of the incurving nature of shame, of separating yourself from all that is with darkness, pain, recrimination and isolation.
The locks on our hearts are old and born shut with rust, rime and deep time. Some of them can only be touched in the light shed by the dying embers of life, or found in the unending vacuum of despair. Violence, or the slow creep of the unbearable, are sometimes the only keys.
Open the locks, 1 by 1. Inch by inch worm. It lets in the horrible night and day, but it’s the only way… Out. The truth will smash you open. If you keep looking you’ll see that it was just a clay doll full of insect puzzles. Where am I? Chase the stars and they’ll always run away. Let them come in the night. Lucid light. Behind the eyes. Felt in the lymph. Seen as clear as day.
The light of god is terrifying and absolutely amoral. It will compel the truth from you. The truth of your own nature, beyond literal fact. The light is utterly annihilating. It will move through you until there is absolute clarity throughout your being, or you close-off, or you die.
Ordinary human life protects us from the light of god. It must, or we could not be born and live as beings of fragile living flesh and blood, fragile emotion and need. Our forms must grow in the amniotic protection of this physical world.
The sacred fire is one pole of the process that the light of god engenders within physical life and matter. It is a process by strong resonant transfer. Energy reordering matter into higher states of refinement and potency. It is an inherently consumptive process. It is not life nurturing.
That which is transformed through the process of the sacred fire takes on a nature that elides the less refined order from which it came, revealing the grains of more refined nature within it. The process of the sacred fire is traversed many times and all conditions of refinement are by degree. Refinement is not known through comparison or reaction, but through the actions born of self nature.
The physical laws of this universe bear no internal relationship to the process of the sacred fire or the light of god, but in the presence of those forces there is distinction, but no separation between the transformation of the spiritual and the physical.
“Withdrawing in disgust is not the same thing as apathy.” – Slacker, 1991
I used to be a healer. I still am, but I can’t look into human eyes any more and say “I’ll help you to be whole” when all those eyes see and want is their own pain. Humanity is cannibalizing itself. They are screaming “won’t someone end the suffering!” Still unconsciously, habitually, tearing away another junk of flesh to be consumed and burned on the hidden and profane alter to ignorance and craving that we carry inside of us. I have known this in the sanitized reign of quantity, statistics, distant geography, economic “realities” that would make Kafka blush, but now I feel it in the universal microcosm of every human soul. The Western Lands seep with blood and infected shit.
I have the light and fire of god beating in my heart and beating in my brain. It was the greatest gift to all things. Once you see it lives within, you can’t abuse it. You can’t. I can’t give power to the wretched, even within myself. I can only give myself to the ones who have suffered enough to let go of their suffering.
The impulse to return home, from physical reality to a more unified and whole state beyond the physical.
Alchemy in a broad sense, conflicting between the pursuit of physical power (knowledge) and spiritual transformation.
The tension between the pursuit of spiritual refinement and maturation as a physical life form.
The unity of the apocryphal and the authentic, re: the green language and pop-cultural synchro-mysticism.
My longstanding self affiliation with Burroughs as both authentic and apocryphal.
“Nothing is going on and nobody knows what it is.
Nobody is concealing anything except the fact that he does not understand anything anymore
and wishes he could go home.”
-Philip K. Dick
There are elements of the spiritual journey that most people don’t like talking about, like how it can be really, really messed up and damaged and sexual, at the same time as being transcendent and sacred.
Jesse Moynihan is not most people. He makes a comic called Forming. It resonates with my very iconoclastic and apocryphal experiences. If you like what I write then you should probably give it a shot. Take a look: http://jessemoynihan.com/
This has always stayed with me.
I think I’m Nova Scotian.
I think my words burble up out of the rock, bob and tumble across the water.
I was made in moss and lichen. Small things that eek and break away the rock, make soil and life in a thousand years of cold winters, mist, hot sun.
I am not of the people. They do not know my name or my face.
My place is here.